Back down with a bump

The rentrée is around the corner and the holidays are in the distant past and now it’s time to think of the future. Well that sounds heavy I know, but it’s what I have to consider now. Up until this moment life in France has been very difficult for me, bouncing between jobs, the depression and other related problems, money the usual stuff…

Unfortunately I’ve had a long history of depression and up until before I started working at Champion was getting it treated with homeopathic medication. I can’t deny that it has helped me a lot (even if the consultations were expensive) but after my contract was terminated by Champion I suppose I’ve started to dig a hole for myself. Before I went on holiday I went to see the ANPE and the advisor there said it would be good if I took a holiday. I think perhaps she could see that the fact I’d lost my job had upset me. Since then the ANPE have taken me off their books because I failed to sign on before going on holiday. Sometimes it’s easily forgotten – especially when the sign on part of the ASSEDIC site goes down.

So September sees me having to look to the future. Already I feel depressed again, thankfully not as bad as I’ve had in the past, but bad enough. The last two days I’ve been pretty down and find myself feeling guilty for the things I’d planned to do, but never got done. In fact I always have the motivation to do things, in my head, but then never get on with doing them. At the moment it’s jobs around the house and then the fact I need to go to the ANPE to get back on their records. Also the time I spend on here it getting longer and longer again and that is not very good either.

I suppose I have this blog to write these things and bore you all to death – perhaps showing the realities of living in France, the side that people wanting to live here don’t want to see or face up to. For me – the main aspect is getting back to work again, which is easier said than done. The first problem is deciding what I want to do. I know now that I am not going to be able to do a job that entails real “physical” work, as in the supermarket – well I could, and risk ending up in a wheelchair at 50. I guess I’m just not the right person for that work.

So… I need to look to something else. Possibly using my English, or even work on the computer. But knowing in what I have no idea for the moment. But finding the motivation to do anything at the moment is so hard, especially after being here for 9 years and never being in a stable situation.

Thumpah has supported me though thick and thin – I know that it’s not easy for her either. But I apreciate all that she has done.

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